Getting a grasp of things - 10 November 2015

Despite sleeping only at 2am I decided to go for my usual run at 7am. I've decided that despite having to make adjustment and changes in my life, I still need to have a semblance of my normal life. I need to stay sane. Gosh, Lord. Everything happened in a blink of an eye. So much growing up to do, so little time. So many things to plan for I dont even know where to start. We visited Dad at the hospital at 1230pm. To our surprise, they had removed the feeding tube and the remark above his bed was that he was allowed to be given food orally. Hallelujah! That is good news. It's the saddest thing if one cannot eat and enjoy their food anymore. As usual he was being his stroppy self, complaining about the nurses and all that. I feel so sad sometimes that he wants to strike a conversation with us, but half the time we cant understand a word he is saying and instead have to change the subject and talk about things he likes. It's frustrating for him and for us when we cant understand each other.

So many things we need to think about: 1. converting space downstairs for a room 2. clearing the space downstairs 3. getting a bed 4. getting wheelchairs 5. getting proper ventilation/air cond 6.installling mosquito netting 7. ensuring bright lights 8. installing water heater 9. getting day and night nurses

There are many changes that need to be done. Adjustment in our lives.We were told that once patients have stroke they are susceptible to pneumonia therefore need clean air. They are also susceptible to depression therefore we need to make the place bright

Lord, I dont have any strength. I have to remind myself that I can do this on Your strength.

We went back and later went to visit Dad again at 5.30pm. When we arrived, sis was feeding Dad and it was such a heartwarming picture. The whole family was there except Thean Yew and Loong who were at home because they were in the middle of exams. Dad looked so much happier! Family is so important. OHANA.

I know today is only the second day. SO far, aside from some weepy moments I guess I am ok..at least I think I am. I cry in my private moments but I need to be strong. Especially for my mom.I have seen her tearing sometimes. I'm usually known to be panicky but surprisingly I am able to keep calm. Maybe the reality hasnt set in. Maybe I have matured? Or maybe there are so many things to be done and looked into that I cant mope about it.

I think we can pull this together as a family. We can make it through if we have each other's support.

I guess this is why I am single. Come to think of it, this is only the beginning of things. After Dad, I have Mom to worry about too. I'm looking at the next 10 years of my life that is going to be so challenging. Is this a result of having such a cushy life for most of your life?

It's funny how majority of the time I have a negative outlook in life...but when dealt with adversity I have a more positive outlook. Not that I am Miss Sunshine, but it's accepting the reality and thinking, I HAVE to manage this, come what may.Sometimes you just have to take it on the chin.

My Dear Lord, I need You more than anything else.I do. Please help me.