Lots of things have happened. Firstly, Dad completed his 18 session acupuncture on Sunday 12 december. So from this week onwards we only need to go 3 times a week. Yesterday was the first time in a month that i didnt have to be driving anywhere else besides going to the home to visit him.
Physically Dad is about the same - he seems to have plateaued. His strength is still there, albeit he is getting stronger but it's all marginal now. His coordination is still very poor. He is able to stand a bit more stable now, but still needs assistance.
Last week while spending time with Dad, I had a funny moment with him. He mentioned that I have a lot of friends and asked me why I wasnt getting married! I just said, "If I get married, who's going to look after you?" We of course laughed about it but deep inside there is a certain sadness. For my father, it is the desire that someone looks after his daughter. And for me likewise, when my father can no longer look after me I wish that soomeone else could look after me.I do miss having my father as my provider and protector, he's always looked after me all my life. But I have to move on and get over that idea. The roles have changed and I need to man up and wear the pants now. Nobody's going to look after me so I have no choice but to be strong.
Anyway aunty Suzy and aunty Rosalind came to visit last week. According to my sister, he cried twice while aunty Suzy was there. Cousin Daphne came to visit on SUnday. People have been so supportive. I should have stayed on to meet Daphne and her mom, but being the introvert that i am i wanted to go back and rest.
Today when brother went to visit him, apparently Dad played hide and seek with him and made him hide under the bed! It was all going well for 20 minutes then he broke down and cried. In his slurred speech he said to my brother that everyone has been very nice to him - from family members to non family... he got emotional.
Dad's mood seems to have worsened now that he is getting better. He gets agitated and restless at night. For the last one week he's been up at night, throwing tantrums, scolding people and asking to shift the furniture.We have no choice but to sedate him - we have put him on some sleeping pills prescribed earlier and he seemed to have slept soundly the last 2 nights. Mom called me earlier today at about 9ish - apparently he started throwing his tantrum again. Mom could hardly speak - she was highly stressed and she could have been crying. the nurses asked him why he was angry with everyone... to which he said, he wasnt angry at anyone else but himself - because he cant function like before. That broke my hart and made me cry. I just said a prayer and that was it. These days I cant even pray properly..just one liners..."Thank you God for this and that'... "Please heal my father"..."Please grant strength to mom". That kind of prayer. Simple, short one liners. Because I dont know what else to say. I dont know what else to pray for. And I;m tired.
I'm too tired to even think straight now. Signing off.
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