Accupuncture Day 6 - 28 November 2015

Day 6 today. Dr Law said Dad has improved 60%. Dad's getting stronger....that's really great... but now also comes the worrying part - he gets restless at night. He tends to wake up, wants to talk, shifts and fidgets around. For the last 2 nights he has been throwing tantrums at night, wanting to shift the furniture around and demanding all sorts of things. He's really like a kid - it would be dangerous to leave him alone. According to Mom, 2 nights ago he was found on the floor near the table. Apparently he did not fall but he managed to push the bed off the wall and somehow slide himself on the floor to the table.

Another great thing is that he has been having a really good appetite. He can eat like 7 times a day.

This evening , after his dinner, which he complete finished everything, I took him for a walk around the pool... we enjoyed the fresh air and watched the sunset. Then I noticed his stubbles on his chin was getting too long, so I gave his face a shave outside. Mom was also sitting by the poolside reading the papers. Even though I've been so busy running around, I somehow feel so blessed to be able to spend this time with them. Even though sometimes I feel like a loser - ie never getting married and still stuck with my parents at this age - there is a certain sort of peace I feel being able to look after my parents and do things for them. I think I'm doing all i can, I dont feel any regret that i didnt do enough.

Sometimes I dont know If I am still in denial, or I've just come to accept reality. Or if I'm that strong. Or if I even have faith in God. I dont know. You just get on with it, I guess.

Accupuncture Days 2, 3, 4 - 25 to 27 November 2015

So far the accupuncture seems to be going well.. - I think. Well, I cant really tell the difference, all I know is that Dad can stand up a little more stable now, but it's only been 4 sessions of accupuncture so i won't really know. Dad's been having his free durian ice cream treat though.

I've always been a loner and I've always enjoyed being alone but for the first time in my life I feel really alone. Maybe it's good training for when I get older. I look tired, I feel so terribly lonesome, but... I've got to hold on.

I don't really feel like writing now. Maybe it's because I'm expecting my period, But I just feel awful.I'm going for a Japanese meal soon to make myself feel better.

Physiotherapy follow up #2 HKL - 24 November 2015

Dad went for his second physio follow up at the hospital today. I explained to the physio that while he has been gaining strength, his coordination has been poor. She recommended that he did more stretching exercises as his muscles are always tense which make movement harder.

Today we did purely hand stretches and some standing up (about 5 times). There were many MAHSA students on their internship today and naturally Dad was a guinea pig, which I am not complaining as I also learn together with them on how to handle him.

They recommended 3 stretches: (looks like the knowledge I learnt during my Personal Training Certification is coming back into use again)

1. Passive stretching: Dad lies down on the bed and we place one hand on his shoulder and the other hand on his wrist and roll it back and forth like a rolling pin.

2.Overhead stretches lying down - get him to extend his arm all the way back while lying down

3. Proprioceptive neuromuscular facilitation - Get Dad to sit at the edge of the bed, with both hands by his side, Sitting upright, chest opened up, get him to press his palms against the bed.

Feeling kind of flat out today, signing off.

Accupuncture Day 1 - 23 November 2015

Second uncle was kind enough to bring Dad to the accupuncturist today. This accupuncturist is a friend of his, who is a dentist by profession but has practised accupuncture, specialising in stroke patients for the last 40 years. His practice is somehwere in Selayang, where the Ground and First Floors of the building is used tor accupuncture, and the second floor, his dentist clinic. (I note that there is a chiller on the Ground floor which has a sign which says " Free Durian Ice Cream", however the chiller was empty)

I signed up for an 18 session package, which costed me RM1300. I really hope this helps to a certain extent. Of course the damage has been done, you cant ever get back to pre-stroke days, but i really hope it strengthens him.

Anyway, on physio today, Dad seemed to have a bit of difficulty coordinating his right hand..he will be doing all sorts of things with it, then when I ask him to do the exercises on his left hand, which is his good hand, he keeps doing it on the right hand still. He has difficulty lifting the right hand above table level when he is seated, and it starts to move everywhere. He looks like he is about to give up, but I have to keep encouraging him. It just breaks my heart. I know he is frustrated and so am I.

After dinner Dad went to sleep, he was curled up under the comforter. I watched him sleep like a baby, while Mom dozed off while seated in her chair. In the silence, I heard from a distance the call to prayer, and in my heart I prayed to the Lord as well. I hope this accupuncture treatment works, and I hope Dad gets better. I pray my Mom remains healthy and strong during this time.

Most of the time I behave like I've got my act together but it's in these quiet moments that I always break down.

It's only been 2 weeks , but I miss having my folks at home.

Guilty - 21 November 2015

So apparently my dad complained that I am giving him too much exercise...what I'm giving him isnt any different from what the physio gives him, in fact I made it in a more relaxed manner... in between exercises I took him around the swimming pool on the wheelchair. I just didnt want him making excuses not to do the exercises....you know how quickly one loses strength when we stop exercising.

Maybe I pushed him too hard? I dont know. But I am the disciplinarian sort of person - If the physio says cycle for 15 minutes, then 15 minutes it is. And he didnt look like he was in any kind of pain or discomfort when he was doing it.But he made a lot of noise AFTER the exercise.

I feel guilty and lousy about the whole thing. Maybe I shouldnt be so hard on him, and not so hard on myself either. I'm just trying my best. I really shouldnt let myself be affected so easily. Oh well, the only thing I can look forward to to take my mind of things is it's football weekend again tonight after a break last week.

Tired - 21 November 2015

I have been so tired that on a few occasions, I've dozed off to sleep in the hall wearing the same clothes I have been wearing all day, with the lights on. I've only managed to clock in exercise twice this week, the other days being very tired and needing a lie-in

I'm still on a bit of a roller coaster, even tearing when I read Philippians 3:7-14 today. But I am reminded to press on forward and not look back, making the best of what I have now and not what I wish life would be.

I also have to remember that my assignment on this earth is temporary, and my purpose in life is to fulfill His purpose and not my selfish purposes. It is tough, I long for many things to do, to explore this world, to have someone to hold me and say "everything's going to be ok" but hey, I dont get to choose.. I really dont.Everything I've ever had I've been made to wait... wait.. and wait. I have to believe that this is going to make me a better and stronger person.

It's hard to let go of my ideals but maybe I should just stop fighting it and as a friend said "DOn't think so much. just go with the flow"

It's been quite nice preparing meals for Mom, although simple ones since I don't have a lot of time and I have to manage between work and visiting Dad. It brings me back to the time where she would prepare my meals in the morning for me to take to school. There's a sense of joy in being able to give back to my parents what they have given to me.I think my Mom's proud of me and it's a wonderful feeling.

An OK day -19 November 2015

It's been an ok sort of day. That's because today is the first day since my dad was stricken with stroke that I've worked a full day.

I called uncle SinHuat in Boston and Dad spoke to him. Amazingly my uncle could somewhat understand Dad even though the latter was slurring and the former was unable to see Dad's facial expression to assist hi to understand. Uncle reminded Dad to be patient and to be persistent with physiotherapy.

The Malay lady in the next room requested for wholemeal bread, which I bought for her but refused to take money for it. Her immediate response was 'Are you a Christian?' And then 'are you a Protestant?' It's nice to know that acts of kindness and generosity is always associated with Christians.I only hope that whatever sacrifice I have made for my parents during this time, that the glory goes back to Him and that it leads my parents to Him.